I'm Drowning

I feel as if I've kinda lost myself. Im so stressed with trying to get scholarship stuff done with all the deadlines, I still have lots of homework, and sometimes to be honest I feel like Im going to rip my hair out! My couach convince me to do the Junior Miss Scholarship Program. They say it isnt a pageant, but it is. The major problem- Im getting rushed through all the paper work because everything should have been turned in by this week! AHHH! Im going to go crazy. I need a weekend that does not consist of an English paper due, a chemistry web assign due, no scholarship essays to stress over, and no problems with familys or boyfriends. I want to get away. Spring Break is coming soon but guess what Ill be doing....scholarships. surprise surpirse. Also, I want to quit my job. I want to get a new job. The down fall, I love the people I work with. It is also really hard for them to find a new person, which they just did now that long ago. I just want more/ different hours. I get so bored at work sometimes and to be honest I get annoyed with the people I work with sometimes too. I'm just overwhelmed. I need to sit back and take a breather. Tonight I am going to the movies with my bestie and our boyfriends. I hope I enjoy it and dont just sit and think about all the other things I could be doing. So off I go to go try to find some peace.

Will this ever end?

Chase is sick..again. Or was he ever better? My nephew has caught another virus. Just as he was starting to get better things went down hill again. I feel so bad for the little guy. He goes in to the hospital in hopes of getting better but ends up getting another vurus! How is it that the place that is supposed to make you healthy has made my nephew more sick? It just does not seem fair. And I really hate the fact that I'm two hours away. It isn't like I can go see him and hang out with him until I have to go to work or practice. It is killing me. It is hard for me to know he is okay without actually seeing him. On Sunday he was laughing, smiling, and playing with me then all of a sudden he has a 102.5 fever again. It is all so frustrating! Please pray for my nephew.

Coming to an End

After devoting all four of my high school years, Pridettes is slowly coming to an end. This Friday the Pridettes will be leaving for STATE and I will take the floor for the last time on Saturday evening. Dance has been a part of my life for the past 15 years. Im not sure what Im going to do without it. I hope that all the girls on Pridettes know that I love them all. And to my Coach Kelly. I would not be the person Iam without you. You have made me a totally new person and have become one of my best friend. I love you and am going to miss you more than you know. And yes, I PROMISE to come home and visit! Last Thursday was my last basketball game and my coach gave me this poem which made me cry but I think it is beautiful and perfect for this moment. So here it is...

The Last Eight Count

My heart grew heavy as I stepped onto the floor

I took my position and perpared to soar

My dancing sisters to my right and left

Girls that within 10 lifetimes I could never forget

Those who had been with me through times that were bad

With whom I shared the best times I've ever had

I kicked my highest and I spun my hardest

I smiled my widest and I leapt my farthest

All so that I could walk away and know

I wanted to dance my best and I had done so

With all of my heart and my soul

With gracefulness, style, and control

I danced my last eight count with my team by my side

I walked off the floor smiling, but inside cried

How do you lose something that you love to do?

Without it how can you still feel you're you?

That night as I laid down my head

I prayed a prayer to God as I stirred restlessly in bed

"God, please whatever you do,

don't let the worst fear of mine ever come true

I'll be whatever you want me to be

Just don't let that be the last eight count for me."

Then God looked down at me and smiled

"Why should it ever be, my child?"

As long as there is music and love

As long as there are stars above

The gift that I gave you will be there

You can dance anytime, anywhere."

My little buddy

As of Tuesday night my 7 month old nephew was taken to the hospital. He has been really sick lately and they recently diagnosed him with bronchiolitis. Then he shows all the signs and symptoms of something called CVS but all the tests show it as negative. So to try to get him better they had to put him on breathing treatments to force the medicine in his lungs. Needless to say, he hated it. He had to receive the treatments every 4 hours and screamed the whole time. Though it truly got serious around 3am Tuesday morning when he woke up having a really hard time breathing. Later that morning when things still weren't looking any better my brother and sister took him to the doctor where they gave him a liquid steroid and said that if it still wasn't getting better by 8pm that night then he needed to come back. Of course things didn't get better. It was also a precaution too. Why take the chance of things truly not being better. So Chase went to the hospital. Has was put on oxygen to help him breathe better and in hope of getting the wheezing to stop. As of right now, he is doing ALOT better. The medicine really started to kick in on Wednesday and now he is starting to smile and somewhat play again. Though he ONLY wants mommy to hold him. Its adorable. That is all I know so far. I can only hope and pray that he will soon get better. Please keep him in your prayers.

[so sick]

[balloon from dad made him feel MUCH better]

[smile]


[so big!]

Senior Night/ V Day

Last night was my last performing at a Hazelwood West basketball game as a pridette. I cried. My family came and that made it all so much more special. It is all so sad that it is coming to an end. I feel like it just started. But on the other hand, Im so ready to move on to bigger and better things. Also, as all of you know, yesterday was Valentines Day! Sam came to my senior game and then off we went. We went to his house and he blindfolded me. Then he carried me upstairs and to my suprise! A candle lit dinner! Along with my card and candy and a special coupon for a shopping spree with him. I couldn't believe that he did that all for me. It blew me totally by suprise that he made me dinner and then even suprised me! It was definately one of the best Valentines Day. Hope you all had just as much fun!

[my lil sis Caite]

[me and my mom]

[me and my dad]

[me and em]

[sam and i]

[so sweet]

Chase meets Mickey

I feel like my whole blog is dedicated to my nephew. And ya know what it is. ha ha He is so cute who would want to look at anything else anyways? :0) Well, this weekend Chase is down in Disnet World for the first time. He is only 7 months old but he sure is loving every second of it. I wish I was there to see the smile on his face. Apparently he gets to bed later than normal but that is because with all the bright, colorful things around him he just doesn't want to close his eyes. Once back to the car though he just passes out. I just love that little boy.

[getting ready for the day with Aunt Nelle]

[off they go. Chase's first plane ride]

[downtown disney]

[merry go round]

[this mickey stuff is hard work]

Is he not the cutest?

*sigh*

FINALLY!

After a good long month and a half I finally got to see my charming little nephew again. It has been rough but well worth the wait. Now he is reaching for me to hold him and wrapping his arms around me to hold me. It is just everything I could have imagined in being an aunt. I'm in love! :0) Here is him opening some late Christmas presents that he didn't get to open last time he was here.