Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So, when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance.

Ever since I found this quote online, I have been living by it. Adam and I broke up almost 3 weeks ago and I haven't talked to him in 2. Who knew this would ever happen? Sure, I was really hurt by what happened but I'm moving on. Slowly but surely. I can't keep Adam and I not working out make me not have faith in myself. One day, I'll give love a chance again and in the back of my head I will be thinking about this quote. Who cares what happens in the end? Enjoy the time you do have and just hope things work out the way they are supposed to. Everything happens for a reason. One way or another, things will end up the way they are supposed to be. Not really sure where I am going with this. Just thought I would share my thoughts from the past few days. Have a good weekend. Kim, good luck moving! Be safe! Hugs!

[MIZZOU gymnastics]

[besties]

One Week Down..

so many more left to go. The first week of second semester is done and I'm trying to be optimistic. I'm hoping that this semester goes as well as I think it will. So here is my class schedule...
I am taking Biology 1010 and Biology 1020. What the heck was I thinking? For my major I either have to take both of those or an upper level Biology course. So as of right now I am enrolled in a biology lecture, lab, and discussions. It is like an overdose of Biology. Needless to say, Biology is not my favorite subject. My Biology 1010 lecture professor is pretty amazing. Everyday before class she plugs in her iPOD and plays songs so all 300+ of us can hear it. It definitely gets us loosened up before we all have to settle down and start writing like maniacs. My lab and discussion professor on the other hand, not so fun. She is originally from India and has only been in the United States for 5 years. I'm quite interested to see how the semester goes with her.
I am also taking a communications class. Speech. There is only one word to describe this class. TERROR! I am absolutely terrified of taking this class. Unfortunately, it is a requirement for almost every major. My teacher is pretty awesome though.
One class that I am actually looking forward to is my Intro to Health Professions. We are going to be hearing from people in different professions and learn about each one individually. I'm hoping it will help me finalize my decision on what to do with my life.
My one and only "blow off" class if you would like to call it that is my Student Success Center Class. It is supposed to help us with all sorts of things. From studying to how to look for apartments. The people teaching the class are pretty cool and should help us all learn a great deal.
Last but not least is art. I am not creative at all but somehow I got into this Intro to Art. He better not expect masterpieces because mine are going to be SO far from it. So that is what the semester looks like for me. Not too horrible but still school.
Adam and I haven't talked in a week. It has been SO hard but it is getting easier. Now that school has started by the time I even think to call or text him, i am so tired from going to school, work, and doing homework that I can't.
Mom, Caite, and Aunt Deb are all coming to CoMo this weekend. We are going to the "Pink Out" Gymnastics meet tonight and then later I am going to a party at my friend Stephanie's house. Should be a fun weekend. I'm more than looking forward to it. That is all from now. Have a good weekend! Hugs!

Our New Room

In addition to a new semester, a new life, I now have a "new" room. At the last minute while walking around Target last night, Emily and I decided to rearrange our room. We no longer have bunk beds, instead they are both on the ground. I think it is smaller, but then again it might just be different. Who knows. On the plus side, I am now in front of the vent rather than Emily which makes sense because Emily is always cold and I am always hot. I think it will be a nice change. No better time than now. Most of you are prob wondering what I mean by new life. Well, Adam and I broke up...again. And we won't be getting back together. It happened last Monday and up until now I haven't been able to write about it. With the help of my dear friends Taryn and Emily I made it through the week. It was the hardest week I've had in a while. I was really hurt. I went out with the girls last night and went to the boys house. I had a great time. I realized that even if Adam and I don't work out I wont be lonely. I'll be OK without him. That is what this time apart is all about. Figuring out who we are without the other one. So, all of us are going to the movies tonight. I think we are going to see Mall Cop. Hope its good. One more night of freedom until school starts again. :0( Have a good rest of the weekend! Hugs!

[Taryn and I at the MIZZOU basketball game]

[the new arrangement]

I am SO happy...

to have my bestie back in Como! We moved our room around (pictures to come later), we went grocery shopping together and looked super cute with our shopping carts, and made complete fools of ourselves. It was life we had never been apart. I am really looking forward to this semester. Single and all. :0) I'm doing a whole lot better and learning to take one day at a time. All I can really say is if Adam and I are meant to be then I guess we aren't. I can't make him want to be with me so, in the mean time I am going to make myself happy. Hope everyone has a good weekend. I am enjoying my last few days until school starts again! hugs!

Chase is starting to feel much better. This morning he wasn't acting his normal self. He was constantly sitting in my lap or begging for me to pick him up. He wouldn't even play with his toys. He was wheezing pretty cold with a nasty cough. So, I decided to call Nicole and we took him to the doctor. The doctor said everything should be OK in a few days. His fever is starting to go down which is really good and after lunch he was actually playing and laughing. I'm so glad to see him feeling better!




Ok, Ok. Enough of Chase, I know. I think I talk more about him on my blog than I actually do myself. :0) I am actually doing pretty well. I'm gald to be back in Columbia again and a little anxious to get all my stuff back to my room so I can quit living out of a suitcase! That is the worst. I never know which bag anything is in so I have to go through it all! I'm still working out every night. Six nights down and I have lost seven pounds. I'm trying not to get my hopes up though. I know I will reach a point where it won't be so easy. oh well. I'm shooting for 20 pounds. We'll see how far I can get. Adam and I are also doing good. We kinda taking our time. We don't talk as much but I don't really find that a bad thing. School just started for him so he is a little busy with school and work. I have also been busy with suddenly having to drive down here a week early to take care of Chase! I'm still a little insecure with my relationship but I guess that is normal. After a argument as big as we had, I don't see how anyone could recover quickly. Slowly but surely I am though. It will just take some time. Way back to my freshmen year, I wore this red dress to homecoming. Adam LOVES it! So, we are going to go out for a nice dinner and he wants me to wear that. It should be fun to dress up for a change and get some new pictures while we are at it. I hope we get a chance to do that this weekend if not the next! Well that is all for now.


<---- Here is the video of Chase. You have to listen closely but he does all the sounds that he can make up to now!

Although I don't start school until next Tuesday I am already in Columbia. Chase has been really sick the past few days and last night he even almost went to the emergency room. Needless to say, he can't go to school. Between having trouble breathing and a 102 fever, he isn't going anywhere. So tomorrow Chase and I will be spending some quality time together. I can not wait! Not only does do the fish and tiger but he can now say "doodle doo" and "Nelle"!!! Yesterday when Nicole got on my blog he said "Nelle!" right away. How sweet! I got a video of it but for what ever reason it is taking FOREVER to download. Ill try again tomorrow.

[Doesn't he look SO cute in his little crocs?!]

My hair is done! We just used foil and bleached it. We were afraid that if we used a toner to tone it down a little it would lighten the rest of my hair and not look so good. So here are some pictures. I want your honest opinions. It will lighten up after a few washes and look even better. It is a change that I needed and I'm pretty excited about it!

[it is SO blonde!]

[Caite wasn't as excited about it]

[the back is perfect!]

The Start of 2009

has been a rough one. I wasn't really ready to talk about this because I was almost scared to let the outside world know. In fact Adam's mom or neither one of our best friends know about this. It was just between us and until we figured things out on our own, I didn't want to involve anyone else. I also didn't really want to hear the " I'm so sorry" and the "Things will be OK" because truth be told I didn't think things would be OK. To answer the last post, Adam and I broke up. It was a long night for me. I was a complete mix of emotions. Like I said in the last post, I was upset, hurt, frustrated, and most of all disappointed. I tried so hard to make things work. I changed myself in a effort to make things better. And it isn't like he made me either. I needed to change. I am WAY too touchy when it comes to someone criticizing me. I seem to always take it as someone attacking me and that needed to stop. For once I even tried to talk about things instead of walking away and ignoring the issues. I was really making an effort and Adam wasn't. There is something that people need to understand. He lost his Dad. Within one year they found out about the cancer and he was gone. Adam was so close to his dad that it put him through the ringer. Truthfully, it has only been 6 months. It isn't just our relationship having problems, it was his own life too. He needed his space to be on his own. He didn't want to hurt me anymore. he was afraid that by staying with me it would hurt me even more than just ending it now. Of course there are many more details that I won't go in to but needless to stay it has been a rough two days. Adam has been in my life for the past six years and to even think about saying goodbye to him was unfathomable. I felt like I was losing a part of me. I know it isn't the truth but I was losing a friend not just a boyfriend. A best friend. A person that I confided in in the toughest of times. There is a positive ending though. Adam and I are still together. I don't know how but that is the end result of this. Although he wants time away he too was upset about not being with me. He didn't like seeing me hurt and he was hurting too not having me in his life. So he says this time he is going to make an honest effort and I have some things to work on to. The thing I have learned through all this is that it is never just one persons fault. It takes two to tango. So, I'm recovering needless to say. Emotionally and mentally. It will take me a little time to feel secure in my relationship again but I have faith that things will be OK.

On a positive note, I'm working out and loving it. When I was thinking about a new years resolution to make this year I didn't want to set the standard of losing "X" amount of pounds. I just want to eat better, feel better, and get in shape. So far I've been doing good. I've ran a mile and a half every night along with lifting weights. I'm even starting to get used to the mile and a half. I'm almost not even tired when I'm done. I feel great! I can't see any difference yet but I can definitely feel it.

I leave to go back to school next Thursday. I babysit Chase on Monday the 19th and the first day of school is the 20th. I am somewhat looking forward to going back to school and being on my own again. But I also will miss home. I can't believe half of my first year of college is already over. Sometimes I can't even believe I am at college.

I got to talk to some people tonight at dinner about my Junior Miss experiences. It was nice to recall the memories that I have from that. I don't think I realized how much I missed it until I got the chance to talk about it again. It truly is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I wish I could do it all over again. I miss my host family more than ever. We send gifts and talk on the Internet but it just isn't the same. I cant wait until June when I get to go back to Mobile and see them!

Well this has been a very random post. I jumped from one subject to the next but whatever. I needed to vent. I'm getting my hair done tomorrow. Pictures will be sure to come!

I am hurt, upset, disappointed, and frustrated but no where near ready to talk about it.

Adam and I have been together for what seems like forever now. We've broken up, gotten back together, and had amazing times together in between. We've made new friends and have experience high school, college, and even some of junior high together. It has been amazing to know and love someone for so long. I could ask Adam something about when I was in 8th grade and he'll remember. I can talk to him about family and friends and he'll know exactly who I am talking about. Through the six years that Adam and I have been together I have discovered a true friend. He helps me with my flaws and tells me all my positives. I love going through all the pictures we have of each other and seeing how much we have changed. I even have pictures of the day we first met and our first picture as a couple. When we were first together we would only see each other once every three months and then it got a little better when we could see each other once a month. Now that I am at school it seems unreal that we can see each other every weekend! I never thought that would happen. So many people assume that a long distance relationship won't work. That isn't all true. It all depends on the couple. If you are willing to work really hard, then it will work. You can rely on other things. Letters, email, phone, etc. Adam and I did all that. I even still have all the letters he sent!

[our first picture]

[One of my favorties. Jeff City Homecoming 2004]

[Hazelwood West Homecoming 2004]

[Jeff City Prom 2005]

[October 2008]

[January 2009]

This weekend I spent the weekend at my brothers. I think Chase is really starting to notice who I am. If you ask him " Where is Aunt Nelle?", he'll point right to me! You can even get him to say my name every once in a while. His new favorite thing is to make fishy, tiger, and cow noises. It is just too cute! He loves playing "ball" and especially loves "dunking" the ball in his basketball hoop. Funny thing is, he really does "dunk" the ball.

Along with the new year I've decided to make some changes. I'm going to try to make it to the gym at least 4 times a week and start watching what I eat. Adam and I have decided to try and to this together. As long as we push and remind each other we might not slip up as much. I'm hoping it works. It isn't that I want to lose weight, its more that I want to tone up for summer coming soon and I always feel so much better after I work out. I don't know why I don't always do it. We'll see how these next few months go.

Today I've started to organize my photos on the computer. Before they were all over the place! I of course had them organized into folders ( Adam, Chase, Junior Miss, ect.) but the pictures in the folders were all over the place. I have Chase's folder done and I need to work on finishing the album of Adam and I. Chase's was especially hard. I really wanted to do his so I can go back and look at how much he has changed over the past year and a half. I have them organized by month and then by year. I'm hoping this helps find photos a little easier when I look for them to put on my blog too! I'm also working on putting all my photos on photobucket. I would really hate for something to happen to my computer and then I lose all my pictures. I would be SO upset!

So that is what is going on in my life so far. Still a whole two weeks until Christmas break is over. I have developed a horrible cold so while I lay in bed I'm trying to be constructive. Christmas decorations come down as the holiday season truly ends. I'm thinking about putting highlights in my hair this weekend along with a trim. I'm really excited about it! I haven't done anything to my hair except cut it since 8th grade! I asked Adam about it and he even remembers what I looked like! The only down side, they eventually grow out and you have to decide whether to die your hair again or look horrible for those few months until it completely grow out. I will definitely post some pictures when it is all done. Hope everyone has a good week and that your holidays went well!

Sorry about the video being turned sideways. I'm not sure how to fix it and this one was just too darn cute to not post. Happy Holdays everyone!

For New Years Adam and I went to his friend Billy's house. We had a great time!

[Adam likes to think he is a good dancer :0)]

[Taryn & I]

[Billy & Adam]